Animals Wearing the Skin of Other Animals? Sure. Why Not?

Erinn Batykefer recently introduced me to the craziest, most interesting and poetically-inspiring blog (MM—you’ll love this). It’s called Regretsy (found online at www.regretsy.com), based off the site Etsy (www.etsy.com). For those unfamiliar with Etsy, here’s a short description: “Our mission is to enable people to make a living making things, and to reconnect makers with buyers.” They bill themselves as “your place to buy and sell all things handmade.”

Regretsy’s motto, on the other hand? “Homemade? It looks like you made it with your feet.”

Basically, Regretsy scours Etsy and finds the weirdest and downright creepiest items listed for sale. For instance, perhaps you’ve been searching for the perfect mantel piece to let every random woman you bring home that yes, you do enjoy animals, though you prefer them to be dead, stuffed, and wearing the skins of other animals. If so, try “Fish in Squirrel Suit.”

Only 350 dollars? What a steal.

Let’s say you want your cat to feel the savage joy of pawing around a stuffed fetus. And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t? Regretsy (and Etsy) has you covered. For only six dollars, you could be the proud owner of such… interesting items as “Cat Nip Fetus Toy in Pink.”

So how does this relate to poetry? Why should I spend my time scrolling through a blog that, amongst other disturbing things, features handpainted demon-inspired hardcore porn? (You actually wanted me to post a picture of it? You sicko). How will this help me become a better person, which is the end goal of my blog? Here’s how: I have a mission, should you choose to accept it. Write a poem based off one of the items listed on Regretsy. I’ve already written one for the “Mink Skull Wrist Cuff and Corset,” but the rest are up for grabs. MM, I expect to see a poem (or a few lines) from you at least! I’d be interested to see what you all come up with, if you would indulge me. If anything strikes you, post your poems/lines in the comments.

Here’s the opening of my poem “Mink Skull Wrist Cuff and Corset” (it only gets worse from here):

My unbleached mandible, eye sockets looped
like empty ears, and wave-swept muzzle
off-white and warped as an Idaho potato,
you fit your doorknocker around my waist.

Open up. Take off your shirt and stay awhile.
Come see this crazy taxidermy…